The pending arrival of a baby is a wonderful time! It doesn’t matter what the circumstances, when a new baby comes into the world, it is a true miracle.
As is expected, much of the focus in the delivery room is on the woman. After all, she is the one who is enduring the pain of childbirth. What many people don’t consider is that the men in the delivery room have their own issues as well.
Years ago, men weren’t allowed in the delivery room. Guys were relegated to the waiting room, left to pace a hole in the floor as they waited for their offspring to be born. Today, however, there has been an enormous shift in tradition, with 90 per cent of dads now taking a hands-on approach in the birthing process.
The journey begins not only with conception but with choosing the nursery furniture, picking out names, and taking Lamaze classes.
Even with the best of training, guys may still feel out of place when attending the birth of a child. With the advent of birthing rooms taking the place of the sterile operating room, grandparents, uncles, friends, and even siblings are invited into the birth experience.
Obviously you cannot know exactly what it feels like to carry and birth anew born; however, you can learn as much as possible about all the stages of pregnancy, labor, delivery, and newborn bonding.
Perhaps once you understand the prenatal class basics you might start having doubts about how you will be able to handle it all.
Try to set those uncomfortable thoughts aside. Studies show that men are more likely to get and stay involved in the care and nurturing of their children if they are present at the births.
So what’s a guy to do? If you’re the father to be, you have probably heard the horror stories. You’re called every name in the book.
You’re blamed for everything from inflation to the price of gas to getting your gal in the situation she’s in. It’s normal. It’s probably going to happen. But how do you deal with it?
That’s hard to say. But the birthing experience is still something every guy can – well, not exactly enjoy, but, at the very least, participate in.
It all begins with the onset of labor.
The pains begin. She screams with each contraction. What do you do? At this point, running to the store for a late night craving is out of the question. Right now, you’re expected to be the supportive one.
But you’re confused and aren’t sure exactly what to do. It can be difficult watching someone you love in pain – and childbirth IS PAINFUL! It’s like a pain you, as a man, can never know.
Research shows that when a woman has a supportive birth partner, this reduces her need for pain-killing drugs and increases her satisfaction with the birth experience.
This also can reduce her stresses and worries about being a mother and make her more confident after the baby is born. Having a familiar face can be very reassuring.
There are many things you can do to help the momma to be along the way to becoming a full-fledged mother. You may be confused – especially when things start getting a little frantic – and they will! With the help of this book, you’ll be much more prepared for the birthing experience.
In these pages, you’ll be better prepared to help with back labor, understanding what happens in the birthing room, easing the pain of mom, and dealing with your own feelings of helplessness. It can be a daunting and scary experience, but you CAN get through it – just like SHE can!
Read on and get the definitive “Guy’s Guide to the Delivery Room”!
CHANGING ROLES
As we’ve said, not so long ago, the man’s place during child birth used to be in a smoke-filled waiting room holding a box of cigars awaiting the arrival of his child. Now the opposite is true. What brought about this change?
It seems books might have had a role to play in this transformation. In 1974, Robert Bradley wrote the book Husband-Coached Childbirth, in which he basically empowered men to take as crucial a role in the birthing process as their partner (albeit not physically, of course!).
At the time, Bradley was both hailed as a champion for men's rights in the delivery room and criticized as someone who was trying to advocate controlling the woman.
Despite, or perhaps because of the controversy, the book 'gave birth' to the 'Bradley method' and a series of classes, still running today, in the USA.
Putting husbands in the delivery room not only coincided with feminism but was intimately wrapped up with the natural childbirth movement and its effort to see the modern body in a more holistic fashion.
The change also could have been brought about with cultural developments. Back in the 50’s and 60’s, it was an unspoken rule that men just didn’t go into the delivery room.
However, in the 70’s and 80’s, men began questioning the medical status quo and took a more hands-on approach to child rearing and their rights to be present during their child’s birth.
The dissolution of the nuclear family also contributed to the change with fewer women around to take care of the expectant mother’s needs during childbirth. This naturally led to the man taking on that responsibility.
Changing attitudes about pregnancy in general also brought more men into the delivery room. With more and more people having children without being married as well as the rise in teen pregnancy rates, the man in the delivery isn’t always the baby’s father.
Today, it is almost expected that the father be present for the birth of his child. It is increasingly uncommon for the man not to participate and help out in labor and delivery. Not all men embrace this, however. Some would prefer to go back to the waiting room.
Some fathers, particularly first-time dads, feel apprehensive about seeing the woman they love in pain. Top concerns amongst expectant dads are embarrassing faux pas in the delivery room - fainting, feeling sick and squeamish and basically not knowing how to best support their partner through a potentially long and painful process.
These doubts should be considered and respected by both you and momma-to-be. It's important to think about and discuss whether you want to be present and how you see your role during the pregnancy. It can be much more complicated than it first looks.
You may both want to be together for the birth and feel very certain that this is the right thing for you as a couple. You may be concerned about whether you can cope with being at the birth as well as the intensity of labor.
You should also consider the possibility that your partner might not want you present throughout labor and birth because she doesn’t want you to see her in childbirth.
She may feel that she wants to be free to focus only on herself and her needs. You might quite like the idea of being her ‘coach’, only to find she does not want you telling her what to do.
Talking through these issues during the pregnancy can go a long way to avoid problems once labor begins. If you, yourself are unsure, talk with other guys about their experiences in the delivery room and decide that way. Just keep in mind that everyone is different and one guy’s experience may not be the same as yours. Plus, if she wants you there with her, that may be your biggest deciding factor.
If you absolutely CANNOT see yourself being present for the delivery of the baby, consider a couple of alternatives. You can arrange to have another labor partner present so that if it all gets to be too much, you can leave the room either for a short time or until after the baby is born.
You can choose to be present just for the labor or conversely just for the birth. You can also come in directly after the baby is born to celebrate the new life.
On the other hand is the quite clichéd but probably true problem that witnessing the physical side of the birth might not be so great for a couple's love life. This apparently happened after Elvis 'Presley became a dad for the first time.
It reportedly took him months to get into the swing of things again with wife Priscilla and, shortly afterwards, their love life was allegedly non-existent. Many men can be negatively affected by what they see during delivery making it much more difficult for them after the baby arrives.
The Guy’s Guide to the Delivery Room 8
lasting for only two or three contractions. Even in a first labor, transition rarely takes longer than one hour.
During transition, contractions occur every two to three minutes and last 60 to 90 seconds. There is little relief between them, and their intensity may cause your partner to feel frightened and overwhelmed.
While she may have enjoyed your presence and physical touch throughout the early part of labor, transition may suddenly make her feel withdrawn, irritable, and short-tempered. She may develop chills, become nauseous, or feel the urge to have a bowel movement.
These physical sensations reflect the descent of the baby into the birth canal and can become more intense as she enters the second stage of labor.
With a vaginal delivery, the second stage of labor is the actual delivery.
When the widest part of the baby's head has settled into the birth canal, it is said to be engaged, or positioned for the delivery. At this point, contractions may slow to four or five minutes apart and become less intense. This is when pushing begins.
The birth attendant will monitor the baby's “descent” on a regular basis.
When the baby's head is even with the lower bones of the pelvis, its position will be recorded as “0” station. As the baby's head continues to move through the birth canal, the stations will be identified as +1, +2, +3, etc., in reference to the baby's progress in centimeters.
Throughout the second stage of labor—which can last from 15 minutes to more than 2 hours—your baby will continue to descend through the birth canal.
As the force of the contractions are combined with pushing, the baby is propelled through the birth canal.
At this point, she may become very tired—especially if labor has been long or rigorous. Most women find, however, that the second stage of labor is physically and emotionally satisfying. The contractions are often easier to tolerate, and the excitement over the baby's imminent birth usually outweighs the fatigue.
As the second stage of labor progresses, the perineal area between the vagina and rectum will begin to stretch. The birth attendant may make a small incision or episiotomy, in this region, to prevent the perineal skin from tearing during childbirth and provide more room for the baby to be delivered.
We’ll explore episiotomies in another chapter As the baby approaches the bones and soft tissue of the pelvis, its pliable head will mold slightly to the contours of the birth canal. Once its head slips under the pubic bone, delivery is imminent.
As the baby's head appears, or “crowns,” your birth attendant will apply subtle pressure with one hand while reaching beneath your pelvis to prepare for the baby's birth. In rare cases, forceps or vacuum extraction may be necessary to help guide the baby's head through the birth canal.
At this point, it’s better to pant, rather than continuing to push, so the baby's head can be delivered gently rather than bursting out. When the head is through, your birth attendant will check to ensure that the umbilical cord remains free of the baby's neck. He or she will then immediately clear the baby's mouth and nostrils of mucus.
With the next contraction, the attendant will deliver the baby's body, then clamp and cut the cord. As soon as the infant's general condition has been assessed, you will be able to cuddle and enjoy your baby.
The third and final stage of birth involves delivery of the placenta. Within a few minutes of birth, rapidly diminishing uterine contractions will cause the placenta to separate from the uterine wall. Generally, the placenta is expelled rapidly.
The birth attendant will examine the placenta, and inspect the cervix and vagina for any tears or bruises. If you have had an episiotomy, the doctor will stitch it closed.
In the meantime, you and your partner will probably be oblivious to these final details as you share the joy of your new child.
So there’s the beauty of birth in layman’s terms. Labor and delivery can go quite quickly, or it can last for hours and hours. That’s why having someone there for support is so important for the mother. It can all be very confusing and stressful.
The delivery room can be a daunting place, and the procedures mind- boggling. So what happens when you first get there?
