Death is a subject that most people do not like to hear about, talk about, or even think about. Why is this? After all, whether we like it or not, each and every one of us will have to die one day.
And even before we have to face our own death, we will most probably have to face the deaths of other people our family members, friends, colleagues, and so forth.
Death is a reality, a fact of life, so wouldn’t it be better to approach it with openness and acceptance, rather than fear and denial?
Perhaps the discomfort we have towards death is because we think it will be a terrible, painful and depressing experience. However, it doesn’t have to be so.
Dying can be a time of learning and growth; a time of deepening our love, our awareness of what is important in life, and our faith and commitment to spiritual beliefs and practices.
Death can even be an opportunity to gain insight into the true nature of ourselves and all things, an insight that will enable us to become free from all suffering.
Let’s take the example of Inta McKimm, the director of a Buddhist centre in Brisbane, Australia.
Inta died of lung cancer in August, 1997. Two months before her death she wrote in a letter to her Spiritual Teacher, Lama Zopa Rinpoche: “Although I am dying, this is the happiest time of my life!....
For a long time life seemed so hard, so difficult.
But when really recognizing death it turned into the greatest happiness. I wouldn’t want anyone to miss out on their own death, the great happiness that comes with having recognized impermanence and death.
This is quite surprising and unexpected, and extremely joyful. It is the greatest happiness of my whole life, the greatest adventure and the greatest party!”
Inta spent the last few months of her life dedicating herself to spiritual practice. At the time of her death her mind was peaceful, and she was surrounded by family and friends praying for her.
There are many similar stories of Lamas, monks, nuns and spiritual practitioners who are able to face death with serenity and dignity, and in some cases are even able to remain in a state of meditation during and after their death.
With the proper training and preparation, a peaceful and positive death is possible for each and every one of us.
It is important to examine the thoughts, feelings and attitudes we have regarding death and dying, to see whether or not they are realistic and healthy.
How do you feel when you read or hear the news of a disaster where many people were killed suddenly and unexpectedly? How do you feel when you hear that one of your own family members or friends has died or been diagnosed with cancer?
How do you feel when you see a hearse, or drive past a cemetery? What do you think it will be like to die? And do you believe in anything beyond this life, on the other side of death?
There are two unhealthy attitudes people sometimes have towards death.
One is to be frightened, thinking that it will be a horrible, painful experience, or that it means total annihilation.
This fear leads to denial and wanting to avoid thinking or talking about death. Is this a good idea, considering the fact that we will have to go through it one day? Wouldn’t it be better to accept the reality of death and then learn how to overcome our fears and be prepared for it when it happens?
The other unhealthy attitude is a careless, flippant one where one might say, “I don’t have any fear of death.
I know I’ll have to die one day but it will be OK, I can handle it.” I had this attitude when I was younger, but one day I sat through an earthquake and for a few moments truly thought I was going to die, and then I discovered that I had been wrong
In fact, I was terrified of death and totally unprepared for it! In The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying (p.8), Sogyal Rinpoche quotes a Tibetan master who said: “People often make the mistake of being frivolous about death and think, ‘Oh well, death happens to everyone. It’s not a big deal, it’s natural. I’ll be fine.’ That’s a nice theory until one is dying.”
If you notice that you have either of these two attitudes, it might be a good idea to do more research into what death is all about.
More knowledge about death and dying will help decrease the fear of death (because we tend to be afraid of what we don’t know about or understand), and will help those who have a flippant attitude to take death more seriously and realize the importance of preparing ourselves for it.
This booklet is just a brief introduction to the subject of death and dying, and the recommended reading list at the end will let you know where you can find more information.
First of all, let’s look at how death is viewed in the Buddhist tradition.
