The need to express is very strong. It is very important for our growth. If you don't have any opportunity to express, you lose creative thinking. Well, that's another attachment.
I can't force myself to let go of it. Many times I picked up my pen to write, and many times I put it down. Something hard to put into words is in my mind.
Please don't think I'm preaching. I'm just expressing my personal point of view (feeling, observation) which seems true to me.
I know that a lot of things I've said can easily be misconstrued. A person can use them against me. I canÕt really make my points clear in a letter.
Even to talk about them would be a very difficult task for me. Anyway I tried to express my views.
The things IÕve said might not agree with the great books. I donÕt expect you to agree with me. They are not universal truths. Just my opinions as of
October 1986. IÕm liable to change, as anything else. Excuse me for my mistakes. I'm a man who keeps himself upset all the time, believe it or not. On day I'll be happy. Here is something about me.
I was born into a Muslim family on 5 August 1947. I was educated at a Roman Catholic missionary school. I read about most of the things in this universe.
I was called a communist when I was young because I did not believe in any organised religion.
Do I believe in organised religion now? Well, who knows? I thought of becoming a bhikkhu (monk) from the age of nineteen but instead I went to university, and found the education very unsatisfactory. I then educated myself. I found that almost everybody was after position, money, pleasure Ñ very superficial.
So I decided education was not worth the trouble. I couldnÕt go on living for the rest of my life like that. I left my family although I love my daughters very dearly.
I have no place in this competitive society. Being a bhikkhu and living in the forest is the best way of life for me; it suits my temperament. Yes, my grand- mother was Shan.
She lived a long, peaceful life and died when she was about eighty. I was fourteen then. We were very close. I think of her quite often.
I like Shan people, too. They are very mellow. There are a lot of Shan people around Maymyo; some living in Ye Chan Oh Village where we are.
There is another village called Yengwe where most of the villagers are Shan, and they speak the Shan language.
Some old Shan ladies look like my grandmother Ñ quiet, peaceful, loving, simple, patient, content, unimposing and very friendly.
How unlikely to find such people in modern cities. People who are rich are very suspicious; they think people are after their money. You asked me about my relationship with my family.
It was never good. The only person I love in my family is my elder sister. She loves me although she could not understand me.
Yes, I've never felt I belong to that family. I was like a stranger in my family. Maybe some day I'll go and see my sister.
My relationship with my parents was a love-hate relationship. (Both of them are dead now.) I was very lonely at home. I know how you feel about your relationship with your family.
It's OK.
We find love and understanding elsewhere. No matter what you do and no matter what happens I will always be your father, brother, friend, counsellor, etc.
I live on the border of two different cultures Ñ Eastern and Western. Born in Burma (Myanmar) and educated in a Western-style school.
Being exposed to all different kinds of religions Ñ Buddhism, Christianity, Judaism, Hinduism, Is- lam Ñ and also to materialism through philosophy. I ended up not believing in anything seriously.
Western psychology Ñ Freud, Jung, Adler, Rogers, Laing, William James, and many others; Western philosophy Ñ Socrates, Plato, Aristotle, Hegel, Kant, Nietzsche, Kierkegaard, Bertrand Russell, Wittgenstein, Bergson, etc.
Ñ enough to make a person very confused. I studied electrical engineering; read advanced scientific theories, including black holes. I know how little people are sure of anything. The most important thing to know is your own mind. Yes,
I want freedom. And this should be known from the outset. My freedom is not for sale.
Living too long in one place makes me feel like IÕm in prison. IÕm a lion, according to the Burmese tradition.
I really feel like roaming in the mountains like a mountain lion. Ah, freedomÉ I canÕt tolerate any restriction, bond, or tie.
Even attachment that restricts my freedom is not to my liking. People get at-tached to me and I see that as a danger to my freedom. I love freedom and I can't exchange it for anything. I love freedom of mind too. So I am seeing more and more what imprisons the mind.
Although I've read a lot of the PiÊaka [see glossary for definition], when I find something (see something) it's like I'm making a new discovery. To discover for myself those simple truths Ñ what a great joy! Eureka!
I can't stand those people who talk like they know about something just because they've read about it in books.
But sometimes I catch myself doing just that, though I'm doing it less and less. Mountain lion I am. Alone, but not lonely anymore.
I have learnt to live alone. Sometimes I want to express my deepest understanding, but it's hard to find a person who knows how to listen, under- stand and appreciate.
Mostly IÕm the one who listens. People like to talk to me.
I think wanting to be independent and free (physically as well as mentally) is my strongest desire.
